MAY 1974

 

 

The highlight of the month – if you could call it such – was being visited by the woman from the Hamilton Advertiser, asking what the child prodigy was up to now. He was writing stuff on his Smith-Corona typewriter (both typewriter and I appeared on the cover) and putting together his elaborate versions of the weekly singles chart. Of the 1974 charts I commented “They trace from January until the present” and spoke further in what the reporter described as “peculiar, grown-up vocabulary.” Nothing came of any of it.

 

Otherwise, Soul Train STILL hasn’t been shown in the UK (even though a hopeless British equivalent briefly aired on Channel 4 in the eighties); these days I really like and appreciate “Sugar Baby Love” and the art, or artifice, behind it  – Tony Waddington followed me on the eX-social media website and I hope he makes it over to the one where the sky is blue; nobody was fooled by “I Can’t Stop”; “The Night Chicago Died” indeed stopped at number three here but unexpectedly made it to the top of the Billboard Hot 100; that’s how Mouth and MacNeal were spelled on the label; I was right about “Si” being better than “Go”; Ferry’s reworking of “Chance Meeting” sounds like Boards Of Canada to me now; and Lena reckons “Hey Rock And Roll” sounds like the Ramones, or possibly vice versa.

 

5 May

 

MFSB: TSOP (The Sound Of Philadelphia) (Featuring The Three Degrees)/Something For Nothing (Featuring Thom Bell) (Philadelphia International PIR 2289)

 

 

The theme from Soul Train, a reputedly great music show that nobody will broadcast over here, so this probably won’t be that big a hit, although it ought to be; big, dynamic and anybody can dance to it. Sensational when the Three Degrees do their thing at the end. It’s jazz, really. B-side is moody and dramatic but good, like the music for a television detective show.

 

 

 

JIM STAFFORD: Spiders & Snakes/Undecided (MGM 2006 374)

 

 

Fun country-rock novelty – what Ray Stevens could be like if he was funnier.

 

 

 

THE RUBETTES: Sugar Baby Love/You Could Have Told Me (Polydor 2058 442)

 

 

Kitchen sink Four Seasons tribute with a few words strung together which probably don’t mean very much at all, although to some people they will mean everything. Corny and maybe on purpose but this is going to be a number one and it would easily have won Eurovision for the UK if they’d entered it.

 

 

 

THE OSMONDS: I Can’t Stop/Flower Music (MCA 129)

 

 

The boys all sound about five years old on this. Oh I see, it isn’t their normal label, this is obviously their old record company trying to make some quick money and cash in. I wonder how many fans will be fooled that it’s their new one. Not that many, I’d guess.

 

 

 

THE BAY CITY ROLLERS: Shang-A-Lang/Are You Ready For That Rock & Roll (Bell 1355)

 

 

Back with a vengeance (and a new lead singer) – this is catchy on an Archies level and it’s obviously going to be huge. Hard to dislike the song; if they can keep going, they could be the biggest Scottish pop group since Middle Of The Road.

 

 

 

 

12 May

 

DAVID CASSIDY: If I Didn’t Care/Frozen Noses (Bell 1350)

 

 

This is an old Ink Spots song from the 1940s which will go right over the heads of David’s teen fans – perhaps he’s more interested in winning over their grandparents these days.

 

 

 

SPARKS: This Town Ain’t Big Enough For Both Of Us/Barbecutie (Island WIP 6193)

 

 

Oh my GOODNESS, this is the first hit song this year that I’ve wanted to BE! It’s all over the place, like three songs playing at once and the drums going backwards. The singer squeals about it being the end of the world in four different nightmares but there’s no way you’re going to get rid of him, no sirree. This is like pop music being blown up and we have to sort out the jigsaw puzzle it leaves behind. I missed the fuss about “Virginia Plain” two years ago but this has nothing to do with ANYTHING except now.

 

 

STATUS QUO: Break The Rules/Lonely Night (Vertigo 6059 101)

 

 

Boogie half the speed of “Caroline” but they know what they want to do and are pretty good at doing it.

 

 

 

PAPER LACE: The Night Chicago Died/Can You Get It When You Want It (Bus Stop BUS 1016)

 

 

They’re looking for another number one. They won’t quite get it, I don’t think, but this is like a melodramatic sequel to “The Ballad Of Bonnie And Clyde” by Georgie Fame, which is not surprising since that was written by the same people.

 

 

 

ALVIN STARDUST: Red Dress/Little Darlin’ (Magnet MAG 8)

 

 

Third soundalike record in a row – a bit harder and more echoey than the other two but fundamentally not different. Obviously another top ten but I can’t see it, or him, lasting.

 

 

 

 

19 May

 

MOUTH & McNEAL: I See A Star/My Friend (Decca F R 13504)

 

 

The Dutch Eurovision entry – came third. More oompah-oompah but catchier and funnier than boring Olivia and the Salvation Army.

 

 

 

R. DEAN TAYLOR: There’s A Ghost In My House/Let’s Go Somewhere (Tamla Motown TMG 896)

 

 

Wasn’t expecting the “Indiana Wants Me” guy back but this has come from NOWHERE (actually Northern Soul). He doesn’t have many hits but something weird always happens to him in them. On this one he is singing like the club is going to crouch down and squash him. I read that the DJ got this from a budget Music For Pleasure compilation. Up there with Pinky and Perky? Well I never. It’s great, of course, like all Motown.

 

 

 

GIGLIOLA CINQUETTI: Go (Before You Break My Heart)/Si (CBS 2294)

 

 

The Italian Eurovision song – it came second but was definitely the best song, if maybe too understated for people really to get. As usual, the English language version sounds a bit contrived, but the original is on the B-side and we will be playing that a lot more. My mother agrees it was the best song but of course she would!

 

 

 

 

26 May

 

COCKNEY REBEL: Judy Teen/Spaced Out (EMI 2128)

 

 

Hooray, Cockney Rebel have got a hit! My father doesn’t agree much with me about pop music these days but we both agree this band have that little bit extra about them. The Human Menagerie is a wonderful album that more people should have bought. This comes from the new one (definitely going to get that when it comes out) and is catchy but not in a crass way. Stops and starts all the time and Steve Harley’s voice is smart enough to avoid being grabbed. Good stuff.

 

 

 

BRYAN FERRY: The ‘In’ Crowd/Chance Meeting (Island WIP 6196)

 

 

Good heavens, a picture sleeve for once – Bryan Ferry offering a tribute to Mark Spitz! Not sure about his cover versions these days. “A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall” was scary and swung, but this sounds a bit pointless. Does he know where he wants to go any more? The B-side – a reworking of a song from the first Roxy Music album – is much better; voice and electric piano (and distant guitar, shouting from the other side?) standing at the edge of a dark abyss, sipping blackcurrant cocktails.

 

 

 

SHOWADDYWADDY: Hey Rock And Roll/You Will Lose Your Love Tomorrow (Bell 1357)

 

 

From New Faces. Two rock ‘n’ roll revival bands slammed together as far as I can see. This is surprisingly earthy, as if rock ‘n’ roll had been burned down to its basic elements.

 

 

 

CLIFF RICHARD: (You Keep Me) Hangin’ On/Love Is Here (EMI 2150)

 

 

Cliff in a country and western mood – sort of - but up here I don’t think Sydney Devine has anything to worry about (he’s from Bellshill and he’s going to be BIG in Lanarkshire).

 

 

 

 

APRIL 1974

 

 

The fascinating stuff is beginning to outnumber the dubious stuff at this point, although it's clear at this point that if you wanted a hit you put it out on CBS or one of its affiliates - their promotional teams were absolutely "on it." In contrast, Tamla Motown aside, EMI have been rendered nearly invisible and Decca weren't much better, whereas focused labels like Bell and RAK continued to clean up. Incidentally, while listening to the Radio Luxembourg American chart show with Bob Stewart about six months after this, I discovered that Bobby Vinton was enjoying a big hit over there with "My Melody Of Love," the (German) tune of which is identical to that of "Don't Stay Away Too Long" but with a completely different set of lyrics. Make of that what you must.

 

6 April 1974

 

THE CHI-LITES: Homely Girl/I Never Had It So Good (Brunswick BR 9)

Ho-hum ballad about school and looks with stupid Orange March flutes.

 

JIMMY OSMOND: I'm Gonna Knock On Your Door/A Good Ole Mammy Song (MGM 2006 389)

Get stuffed.

SUNNY: Doctor's Orders/It's Only When You're Feeling Lonely (CBS 2068)

One for David Hamilton listeners to clean the kitchen Venetian blinds to before going to the Co-Op because it's all at the Co-Op now, including Dividend Stamps books - you could save up to 49p!

SLADE: Everyday/Good Time Gals (Polydor 2058 453)

Ponderous ballad which not surprisingly didn't go straight in at number one. Doubt it will get there at all, really, even though Luxembourg's playing the heck out of it.

13 April 1974

 

GENESIS: I Know What I Like (In Your Wardrobe)/Twilight Alehouse (Charisma CB 224)

A bit of weird progressive rock with random lyrics about sitting in the garden like John Betjeman on drugs. At least it's not Jimmy Osmond.

 

LIMMIE AND FAMILY COOKIN': A Walkin' Miracle/Here's Tomorrow (Avco 6105 027)

This is the most stupid record ever made with horses' hooves or something for percussion.

THE WOMBLES: Remember You're A Womble/Bungo's Birthday (CBS 2241)

More singalong than the theme tune so it'll be a bigger hit. Good violin makes it sound like a folk song.

MUD: The Cat Crept In/Morning (RAK 170)

"Tiger Feet" Part 2 but nothing wrong with that, including the false ending. I'm too young to drink but no doubt this will be popular with people who like getting drunk in discotheques because they can stamp their feet and not have to worry about falling over. All that drumming.

 

20 April 1974

 

CHARLIE RICH: Behind Closed Doors/A Sunday Kind Of Woman (Epic EPC 1539)

Country love song. Nice to know he's happy again.

BOWIE: Rock 'N' Roll Suicide/Quicksand (RCA LPBO 5021)

This is an old song and not very pop. It's like a public information film warning you not to take pop music because it might kill you. A bit unnerving, like the Freddie Starr one, but only a bit. Like the end of a stage musical or something. Does he get more? Maybe that's why he wants us to give us our hands. What does he want to do with them, though?

MARVIN HAMLISCH: The Entertainer/Solace (MCA 121)

Ancient Scott Joplin ragtime from The Sting. My piano teacher is already pestering me to learn this but it isn't that difficult.

MUNGO JERRY: Long Legged Woman Dressed In Black/Gonna Bop 'Til I Drop (Dawn DNS 1061)

He looks and sounds like a dirty old man up to no good. Rock and roll isn't Steptoe And Son. 

 

ABBA: Waterloo/Watch Out (Epic EPC 2240)

Not the best Eurovision song this year - that was Italy, of course! - but I suppose it was always going to win. They certainly give it a bit of a Wizzard go but will they just be another Vicky Leandros?

27 April 1974

 

THE THREE DEGREES: Year Of Decision/A Woman Needs A Good Man (Philadelphia International PIR 2073)

Very nice and sumptuous Philly soul dance track. If only Limmie And Family Cookin' had any guts they could be as good as this.

WIZZARD: Rock N' Roll Winter (Loony's Tune)/Dream Of Unwin (Warner Bros K 16357)

You've got to love Roy Wood - putting out a winter song in the middle of spring. Mind you, spring up here in Uddingston looks like winter anyway and we even had some snow the other day so maybe he knows what's what. This isn't as good as the big Wizzard hits, though - doesn't really go anywhere.

STEVIE WONDER: He's Misstra Know It All/You Can't Judge A Book By It's (sic) Cover (Tamla Motown TMG 892)

Another fantastic song from Innervisions which my father tells me is about Richard Nixon. That makes sense.

PETERS AND LEE: Don't Stay Away Too Long/The Old Fashioned Way (Philips 6006 388)

This, however, doesn't make sense. Oompah-oompah-stick-it-up-ya-joompah rubbish you'd expect to hear in Hogan's Heroes. They are better than this but British people just seem to want up-your-jumper chants to sing in pubs when they get drunk on Babycham.

 

 

 

MARCH 1974

 

 

Not much to say about this month other than what I said about it at the time, except for dodgy Freddie Starr and Gary G; since Joan Jett does not appear to have covered "Remember Me This Way," I have substituted videos for two Billboard Top 20 hits in the same weeks of my choice. That and I was very lucky not to be knocked down and killed by a bully on a bike from the neighbouring Catholic school. Twice.

 

2 March 1974

ELTON JOHN: Candle In The Wind/Bennie And The Jets (DJM DJS 297)

Marilyn Monroe tribute but everybody will have it on the album already so can't see it being that big a hit. "Bennie And The Jets" racing up the American charts so don't know why DJM didn't go with that one as the A-side here. Maybe they think British people prefer being miserable. Like Gilbert O'Sullivan, we need fewer slowies from Elton.

PAUL McCARTNEY & WINGS: Jet/Let Me Roll It (Apple R 5996)

Superb rocker from an excellent album (Band On The Run). Paul obviously out to prove that he can still rock, if only to John (because he does a terrific Lennon impression on the B-side).

FREDDIE STARR: It's You/We Can't Make It Anymore (Tiffany 6121 501)

He's very funny on Who Do You Do? but this is a very sad ballad for old people which sounds like it was recorded in 1912. Bells at the end indicating no way back. The B-side doesn't cheer me up either.

PAPER LACE: Billy - Don't Be A Hero/Celia (Bus Stop BUS 1014)

Oh God this is going to be a number one isn't it? Marching drums and don't join the army and he does and gets killed and why is everybody dying in pop music just now?

9 March 1974

ARETHA FRANKLIN: Until You Come Back To Me (That's What I'm Gonna Do)/If You Don't Think (Atlantic K 10399)

Exceptional interpretation of a Stevie Wonder song - good to have Aretha back.

CANDLEWICK GREEN: Who Do You Think You Are?/Fingers In Your Ears (Decca F R 13480)

From Opportunity Knocks. Edison Lighthouse having a go at "Thus Spake Zarathustra."

BARRY BLUE: School Love/Hi-Cool Woman (Bell 1345)

I like the school bell doubling up with the drums, but the rest of the song seems to be stuck in 1958.

THE NEW SEEKERS: I Get A Little Sentimental Over You/Ride A Horse (credited to "Peter Paul and Marty") (Polydor 2058 439)

I think they're splitting up and it's like they're standing on the quay like Vera Lynn, waving off the soldiers.

16 March 1974

QUEEN: Seven Seas Of Rhye/See What A Fool I've Been (EMI 2121)

I knew they were going to have a hit sooner or later - "Keep Yourself Alive" should have been big. This is like a re-energised edition of the Sweet; the piano rocks the song along as firmly as the guitar, and great unexpected Blackpool singalong fadeout to prove they don't take themselves too seriously.

OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN: Long Live Love/Angel Eyes (Pye International 7N 25638)

Poor old Olivia. In the U.S.A. she's a respected country singer who makes credible records like "Let Me Be There" but in miserable old Britain they make her sing oompah-oompah drivel about the Salvation Army for Eurovision because British people are stupid. This won't win.

BROWNSVILLE STATION: Smokin' In The Boy's (sic) Room/Barefootin' (Philips 6073 834)

American rock hit about how naughty they are. I bet they voted for Nixon.

ROBERT KNIGHT: Everlasting Love/Never My Love (Monument MNT 2016)

The original version of Love Affair which is OK but I think Love Affair understood better how pop works.

THE CARPENTERS: Jambalaya (On The Bayou)/Mr Guder (A&M AMS 7098)

Bouncy Hank Williams cover version for country fans who liked "Top Of The World." The other side is don't tell me what to do teacher which I can identify with.

23 March 1974

ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA: Ma-Ma-Ma Belle/Oh No Not Susan (Warner Bros K 16349)

No strings, but very strong rocker. Sounds like Jeff Lynne wants a bit of Wizzard's action.

THE GLITTER BAND: Angel Face/You Wouldn't Leave Me Would You? (Bell 1348)

Without "The Leader" which is probably to their advantage since they can concentrate on rocking more when the pantomime horse isn't at the front. Comes out of "Baby Face" very obviously but this is pretty strong with its beats and power.

DIANA ROSS & MARVIN GAYE: You Are Everything/Include Me In Your Life (Tamla Motown TMG 890)

Exquisite Thom Bell/Stylistics cover, all swirling dreams, though Marvin sounds more hurt than Diana.

TERRY JACKS: Seasons In The Sun/Put The Bone In (Bell 1344)

Number one in the U.S.A. and certain to do the same here. He is from Canada and used to be in the Poppy Family. He sings about dying like he's clinging on to life, which I presume is the point. I wish people could be happier. It doesn't make me feel any better.

HOT CHOCOLATE: Emma/Makin' Music (RAK 168)

The same story - they get together, she's going to be a big star but he can't make it happen. The ending of this song is so bleak; Errol Brown just starts screaming until the fade-out. Is this what happens to children when they grow up? I'm not looking forward to growing up if it is.

 

30 March 1974

THE DOOBIE BROTHERS: Listen To The Music/Toulouse Street (Warner Bros K 16208)

Johnnie Walker must be happy this is a hit and so am I - it rolls along very nicely.

MOTT THE HOOPLE: The Golden Age Of Rock 'N' Roll/Rest In Peace (CBS 2177)

Not their best.

BILL HALEY AND HIS COMETS: (We're Gonna) Rock Around The Clock/Rip It Up/Shake, Rattle And Roll (MCA 128)

This has come back because it's in a film called American Graffiti, set at the beginning of the sixties about a bunch of teenagers before they go to Vietnam or something. Old people will like this.

GARY GLITTER: Remember Me This Way/It's Not A Lot (But It's All I Got) (Bell 1349)

He's sticking with the ballads and I wish he wouldn't. The Glitter Band sound like a robot brass band behind him.