DECEMBER 1976

 

 

Christmas becomes different when you get to a certain age. By 1976 the era of annuals and toys under the tree was reasonably long gone. I still got up at 5:30 (in the morning; don’t be cheeky) and was certainly aware that Christmas Day was unlike normal days. Even the pile of Sunday Times Magazine back issues in the sideboard bureau looked different. But one was expected to have “grown up” by now.

 

Actually I had long since being disavowed of the myth of Santa Claus by an advertisement near the back of a seasonal edition of Radio Times. I can’t remember what the advertisement was for but the illustrative photograph featured a pair of eager-looking parents sneaking in parcels under the tree. Ah. That’s what they did. Thanks for disillusioning me at such an early age, BBC. I forgot – I was “too young” to read the Radio Times. It was for…grown-ups.

 

Mostly it was now all about proper Christmas dinner, which after the turkey consisted of Christmas pudding followed by panettone – we soon realised that with the latter we didn’t really require the former – all of which was accompanied by red wine, Harvey’s Bristol Cream sherry and Cockburn’s Special Reserve Port (I am Scots-Italian; that’s what we do. Or, in my case, did). The whole thing was washed down with a tiny glass of Amaretto, accompanied by Amaretti biscuits. Later on in the evening, mainly because we were too full up to need to eat anything else, we’d open up that season’s mammoth box of Terry’s 1767 chocolates, the best chocolate box that ever existed, in three layers with additional pull-out drawers containing mini-chocolate bars, individually and decoratively wrapped. I can still smell that box to this day and deeply regret its passing.

 

Otherwise, what. I was playing Songs In The Key Of Life pretty much all the time. Grundy and the Pistols was only transmitted in London; we had to make do with John Toye and Scotland Today. I got the single of “Anarchy In The U.K.” in its plain black cover from Listen Records in Renfield Street because EMI had stopped pressing it so I thought I’d better pick it up quickly, as opposed to actually liking it that much (a bit too slow, a little too “rock,” not enough “newness” – it certainly wasn’t as good as “New Rose.” I haven’t altered my views subsequently). I had no idea what I wanted to do musically except make a racket. Me and about a million others.

 

Notes on Text

 

“See What An Extra Doz Does” was a shortlived British television advertising campaign by the Egg Marketing Board – I think Christopher Gunning wrote the song that went with it - and is not to be confused with “Only Oxo Does It,” later transposed to “Only Loving Does It,” a 1978 single by Guys ‘n’ Dolls which narrowly missed the Top 40.

 

4 December

 

THE STYLISTICS: You’ll Never Get to Heaven (If You Break My Heart)/The Miracle/Country Living/You Are Beautiful (H & L Records STYL 001)

 

 

 

A schizophrenic E.P.; two tracks produced by Thom Bell, which are phenomenal, and two by Hugo and Luigi, which are phenomenally awful. Another one for Two Ronnies fans.

 

 

 

MIKE OLDFIELD: Portsmouth/Speak (Tho’ You Only Say Farewell) (Virgin VS 163)

 

 

 

Jolly nautical foot-stomper which my father says is hugely indebted to William Walton’s Portsmouth Point (I don’t hear it myself) and another very big hit for Mr Oldfield in the recent “In Dulce Jubilo” tradition. Drunken sailors and students will love it.

 

 

 

KURSAAL FLYERS: Little Does She Know/Drinking Socially (CBS 4689)

 

 

 

Deliberately over-the-top arrangement and production by Mike Batt of something that tries a little too hard to be “funny” and completely unrepresentative of what this band otherwise does (as proven on the B-side). Should do fairly well, but won’t get to number one primarily because it wants so badly to get to number one.

 

 

 

MUD: Lean On Me/Greacian Lament (Private Stock PVT 85)

 

 

 

The disco detour didn’t really pay off, so here the boys return with a rather glum, Sunday School choral reading of the Bill Withers song, complete with a “See What An Extra Doz Does” synthesiser coda. Too obvious a bid for the Christmas number one and it sounds as though the band are saying goodbye.

 

 

 

 

11 December

 

CHRIS HILL: Bionic Santa/Ride On (Philips 6006 551)

 

 

 

The Lacy Lady club DJ, who now appears to have served as a midway point between the Glenn Miller revival (if anybody remembers that) and punk rock, returns with another very funny seasonal cut-up, again using Phonogram recording artists only. Will anybody remember The Six Million Dollar Man or The Bionic Woman in five years’ time, and does it matter if nobody does?

 

 

 

PAUL NICHOLAS: Grandma’s Party/Flat Foot Floyd/Mr Sax And The Girl/Shufflin’ Shoes (RSO 2090 216)

 

 

 

Clockwork Orange Man returns with an E.P. containing another forced-sounding good-time romp plus three other songs auditioning for a West End musical. How many more variations can this minute formula yield?

 

 

 

TINA CHARLES: Dr Love/Kiss Of Life (CBS 4779)

 

 

 

With an obvious eye on “Dr Kiss Kiss,” Biddu and Tina render the “I Love To Love” formula steadily more threadbare. This will do well, but it does sound as though a lot of pop things are currently coming to an end.

 

 

 

SMOKIE: Living Next Door To Alice/Run To You (RAK 244)

 

 

 

Likely to give the dreary Bradford band their biggest hit yet, a polite midtempo weepie about somebody who was in love with their neighbour for twenty-four years yet seems to have done absolutely nothing about it. Twenty-four years; that’s almost a quarter of a century. Maybe she just wanted to get away from this weirdo who hangs about all the time.

 

 

 

 

18 December

 

STEVIE WONDER: I Wish/You And I (Motown TMG 1054)

 

 

 

I see, it’s now just “Motown” rather than “Tamla Motown.” Nonetheless Songs In The Key Of Life is an album that makes most other albums sound ashamed of their lack of ambition. Great and inventive song after great and inventive song. “Isn’t She Lovely?” would have been the obvious choice for a first single but equally obviously you couldn’t edit the song down from eight minutes – the kid gets a bath! So this is an agreeably funky workout looking back at childhood and the old days. Much of the album is best heard through the mind of a child; its songs are elemental (while still deceptively complex) but the album’s overall outlook is optimistic and hopeful. Looking forward to revelations rather than being intimidated by them.

 

 

 

10cc: The Things We Do For Love/Hot To Trot (Mercury 6008 022)

 

 

 

Godley and Crème have left the band, and only Stewart and Gouldman remain. This is a remarkably unremarkable pop record; absolutely straightforward with no satirical underbelly. I can’t see how all four members of 10cc (as was) could have permitted this to pass. Catchy and skilful but it could be a Wings album track. Nevertheless this will be a big hit with the many who don’t care about satire or double-bluffing. It’s still hard to believe that these are the same two people who wrote “I’m Not In Love.”

 

 

 

BARRY BIGGS: Side Show/I’ll Be Back (Dynamic DYN 118)

 

 

 

“Work All Day” should have been an enormous hit, but this is going to break through to the top three; a desolate-sounding reggae cover of the great song Thom Bell wrote and produced for Blue Magic in 1974 (and really ought to have been a smash then) with icy string synthesiser replacing real strings and a disturbing zing-zing Moog interlude at the record’s centre. Sung as though an atom bomb had just hit. The rejects of the world. What can we do with, or preferably for, them?

 

 

 

STATUS QUO: Wild Side Of Life/All Through The Night (Vertigo 6059 153)

 

 

 

The Quo doing their usual boogie thing with the ancient country and western song. Another hit to tick off.

 

 

 

 

25 December (Author’s 2025 Note: written in the early evening of Tuesday 28 December, because Christmas Day was a Saturday and Woolworths in Hamilton didn’t open again until Tuesday)

 

JETHRO TULL: Ring Out, Solstice Bells/March, The Mad Scientist/Christmas Song/Pan Dance (Chrysalis CXP 2)

 

 

 

I thought Tull had long since given up on the singles chart but here they are, back with a seasonal E.P.; all typically rumbustious folky-flutey fare which should help the Cockburn’s Port go down when one is relaxing after Christmas dinner.

 

 

 

STEELY DAN: Haitian Divorce/Sign In Stranger (ABC Records ABC 4152)

 

 

 

Well, well, well – as soon as 10cc cease being interesting, Steely Dan finally get a UK hit! This melancholy F Scott Fitzgerald-goes-reggae rumble, unlike so many of this year’s hits, sounds like the unmistakable work of adults. It’s about as commercial as my left elbow but it’s very heartening to see that it’s taken off. This, as with all of Steely Dan’s other work, is so good I wish I’d written it myself. My father also likes it because it’s basically jazz – so a happy ending to the year all round.

 

 

 

DAVID SOUL: Don’t Give Up On Us/Black Bean Soup (Private Stock PVT 84)

 

 

 

But wait just a minute – this has thundered in at number eleven! Clearly this is going to be 1977’s first number one; a grown-up weepie crooned by a current TV star. This is going to appeal to girls who feel they’re a little bit old for David Cassidy now – still that same quivering craving, scarcely concealing desperation, in the voice. Hutch is going to be next year’s big teen idol, especially since we haven’t had one for a while.