JULY 1975

 

 

In the very early morning of Saturday 12 July 1975 we sloped up Cadzow Street in Hamilton to board a coach, in which we travelled to Blackpool for a fortnight’s holiday. It wasn’t quite the last time we went there – a brief coda in 1976 would follow – but it certainly felt like the end of something. It was quite the summer but I spent most of the two weeks in a rather introspective mood. I was secretly yet furiously thinking about quite a lot of things, such that my parents more than once asked me if I was all right. I wasn’t quite sure I was cut out for this kiss-me-quick thing any more.

 

I remember finding the first issue of Howard The Duck in an obscure newsagent’s in the back streets of Lytham St Annes – their beach was so much cleaner and nicer than the one in actual Blackpool. I procured an orange T-shirt that bore an iron-on Incredible Hulk transfer and a horrific collar. I drank beer with a friendly Northern family somewhere I can’t remember exactly where. There is an embarrassing picture of me wearing senior record producer shades and swirling scarlet flares raising a pint to the camera and grinning. I was eleven at the time so it almost certainly wasn’t legal but nobody gave a fleck about that in 1975.

 

Light entertainment on the piers. Gerry Monroe, Freddie "Parrot Face" Davies, Lovelace Watkins, Frank Carson, the Black Abbots. On the North Pier, Frank Carson swept past on his way to the theatre and gave my family a huge wave and grin. I think the recently-disgraced Jess Yates might have been playing the organ on the South Pier at the time. It’s fifty years ago. I remember what I choose to remember.

 

Because the charts back then came out on a Tuesday lunchtime, I pre-wrote my thoughts for that week on Thursday 10 July (we went to Woolworths in Hamilton and got the singles two days early). On holiday from school – indeed I was technically between schools at the time – so there was no homework. When we got back, I caught up with the other two weeks on Monday 28 July because Woolworths in Hamilton was closed on a Sunday and we were tired.

 

“Give A Little Love” did spend a fortnight at number one but was unseated by Typically Tropical. Apparently the money that Gull Records made from “Barbados” helped fund the recording of Kaleidoscope Of Rainbows by Neil Ardley, one of my favourite albums by anybody, so there’s a good side to everything.

 

After their first hit, Smokey swiftly changed their name to Smokie.

 

 

5 July

 

TAMMY WYNETTE: D.I.V.O.R.C.E./Almost Persuaded (Epic EPC 3361)

 

 

Going to Blackpool next week. On the coach the driver always plays country and western and passengers sing along to the songs. Not us because we can’t stand country and western. But that’s how I know this song. Another oldie and another somewhat depressing hit. They wouldn’t have to spell it out to me but it isn’t going to happen.

 

 

 

THE BEE GEES: Jive Talkin’/Wind Of Change (RSO 2090 160)

 

 

 

Well these gentlemen haven’t been in the charts for some time and they sound refreshed. This is superb squelchy Stevie Wonder-style disco with good pauses in the arrangement and the singers don’t lean too hard on the rhythm. I think this is their first uptempo hit. It was obviously a good idea to get away from the soppy ballads.

 

 

 

ELTON JOHN: Someone Saved My Life Tonight/House Of Cards (DJM DJS 385)

 

 

Speaking of soppy ballads but that’s not fair – I have Captain Fantastic so I know how this song goes. It’s really well put together with some terrific vocal harmony work. Too long to be a really big hit but it’s done with style.

 

 

 

THE GOODIES: Black Pudding Bertha (The Queen Of Northern Soul)/Panic (Bradley’s Records BRAD 7517)

 

 

This is nothing like Northern Soul. Oafish novelty that isn’t novel any more.

 

 

 

PETE WINGFIELD: Eighteen With A Bullet/Shadow Of A Doubt (Island WIP 6231)

 

 

Now this is a good pop record. I expect all the Billboard Hot 100 references in the lyrics will go over most British people’s heads but this is sophisticated, clever and absorbing as well as catchy.

 

 

 

 

10 July (for 12 July chart)

 

DAVID CASSIDY: I Write The Songs/Get It Up For Love (RCA Victor RCA 2571)

 

 

On a new record label and clearly this is an attempt at a comeback. Epic ballad where David believes he is “Music.” Parents will like it. On the other side he thinks he’s Robert Plant, ooh baby rock my pelvis but no.

 

 

 

HAMILTON BOHANNON: Foot Stompin’ Music/Dance With Your Parno (Brunswick BR 21)

 

 

No stopping Bohannon at the moment. Does what it says it’s going to do. I don’t know what a “parno” is. Perhaps I shouldn’t ask.

 

 

 

DAVID ESSEX: Rolling Stone/Coconut Ice (CBS 3425)

 

 

Back to his paranoid “Rock On” best. This song twists and curves on itself. “A long way…FROM HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!” he yells like he’s just jumped off the top of the Prudential Insurance building in Bromley, pulling the backing singers down with him.

 

 

 

BRIAN HYLAND: Sealed With A Kiss/Ginny Come Lately (ABC 4059)

 

 

Noel Edmonds and his Sad Songs again. This is before the Beatles, alias prehistoric. This is one of the most frightening pop songs, not the saddest. There’s something really bleak and sinister about it – you probably wouldn’t want to see this guy again in September; in fact you’d want to run as far away from him as possible!

 

 

 

JUDGE DREAD: Je T’Aime (Moi Non Plus)/Look a P*ssy (Cactus CT 65)

 

 

This one came in a brown paper bag from Woolworths - no wonder. This is awful sub-Dick Emery/Bernard Manning smut, such as you get in the comics at the back of R. S. McColl’s that are for adults only. I don’t know why anybody bothers because Judge Dread records are mostly bought by schoolboys wanting to know what the rude words are. I only heard the original version when it was re-released at the end of last year and, yes, it’s quite “blue” I suppose but at least some work and imagination went into it. This is the kind of rubbish you’d get in a make-your-own-record booth on the South Pier. It can’t have cost more than 2p to make. Cheap in every sense.

 

 

 

TYPICALLY TROPICAL: Barbados/Sandy (Gull GULS 14)

 

 

Do the British people become even more stupid when it’s summer? This makes Judge Dread sound like Mike Oldfield. Two white men pretending to be a Caribbean bus driver, calling themselves after the catchphrase of the Lilt commercial. This is going to be a number one and it is DEPRESSING. Bought by the kind of morons who think Bob Marley is the host of The Golden Shot. If they sing this in Blackpool I’m going to want to get the coach back home, I’m telling you. Think I’d prefer Brixton Town in the rain, thank you very much.

 

 

BAY CITY ROLLERS: Give A Little Love/She’ll Be Crying Over You (Bell 1425)

 

 

But wait! The Rollers might stop Typically Tropical! Come on boys, you can do it! They’re so big at the moment the fans will send this to number one regardless of how good it is. Changing their style (and their songwriters) for a change and slowing things down. Les McKeown’s spoken interlude will help the girls forget about Donny Osmond (if they haven’t done so already).

 

 

 

 

28 July (for 19 July chart)

 

T•REX: New York City/Chrome Sitar (EMI MARC 10)

 

 

Oh, how the mighty have fallen! This is a pitiful excuse for a song – just something about a lady with a frog in her hand, over and over, and he’s ripping off his own songs to boot. He isn’t even trying any more. Bay City Rollers fans must wonder who this old man is now. He belongs to pop history, like Bobby Vee and Ronnie Hilton. He should give up music and teach origami in Keighley instead.

 

 

 

LINDA LEWIS: It’s In His Kiss/Walk About (Arista ARISTA 7)

 

 

Linda Lewis is a really imaginative and thoughtful singer and songwriter who’s made some great records that nobody buys. Yet her only hits have been a stupid novelty in 1973 and now this yelping sixties cover version. This just sounds so old-fashioned, like “Whispering Grass.”

 

 

 

SWEET: Action/Sweet F. A. (RCA Victor RCA 2578)

 

 

The Sweet are very wise to jump off the sinking ship of glam rock. This is barnstorming rock whatever way you look at it – VERY heavy (they’ve obviously been listening to Queen, after Queen have obviously been listening to them for so long) with lots of great touches, shouts, string lines – even, at one point, a cash register. C.C.S. could do this except they split up last year. They’re not going down without a fight – GREAT!

 

 

 

 

28 July (for 26 July chart)

 

LINDA CARR & THE LOVESQUAD: Highwire/Mama’s Little Corner Of The World (Chelsea 2005 025)

 

 

Another sixties Motown pastiche, but carried out with a certain degree of seventies hindsight. Yes, this is insidiously catchy.

 

 

BILLIE JO SPEARS: Blanket On The Ground/Come On Home (United Artists UP 35805)

 

 

Country and western song that Wogan’s been playing and is apparently quite “rude.” I suppose if you’ve been naughty in a blanket on the ground and it’s damp you would want to “Come On Home” for a nice, soothing bath as well. Unless they were being “ooer missus” on gravel or something in which case they’re just perverts.

 

 

 

ADRIAN BAKER: Sherry/I Was Only Fooling (Magnet MAG 34)

 

 

I heard this on the coach coming back home. Four Seasons covered in the reggae style. Of course the singer is white. Bingo muzak.

 

 

 

SMOKEY: If You Think You Know How To Love Me/’Tis Me (RAK 206)

 

 

Ah, this is the “new direction” Chinn and Chapman are taking – introspective soft rock. It’s pretty dull. We want excitement and laughs – this is golf club music for grown-ups.