In retrospect, May 1977 was as good as things were going to get for me. I did extraordinarily well in most of my exams. I came top of my (second) year in four subjects, including one 100/100 mark and joint first in English (98/100). I came second of my year in another three subjects, one of which was Art, at which I was habitually mediocre so there you go.
Did I win any school prizes? Oh no. Nothing. You see, what they did – the people who determined who was going to come top – was average out all ten exam marks for each pupil. My Achilles heel was Technical Drawing, in which I scored a remarkable 12/100. I didn’t want to do the subject in the first place but back then you had no choice – I would have been considerably better at Home Economics but that was for GIRLS only, whereas Technical Drawing (and later Woodwork) was strictly for the BOYS.
That mark dragged my average down somewhere below sewer level, so all the prizes, including the John Junor Prize for Dux of Second Year, went to nicely-behaved uncontroversial types who obediently scored 85/100 in everything. The average rewarded and the maverick ignored. It turned out to be the story of my life.
Still, times were good that May. You didn’t yet have to take school all that seriously – that was for third year, when you had to pick and choose subjects, work towards your O Grade exams and start thinking about what you wanted to do, or what you could do, after you left school. I was looking forward to third year, myself; anticipating being free of Technical Drawing and the nasty, sadistic dwarf who taught the subject to us in second year.
Then there was the stage. We performed The Chinese Mask twice on the Monday, once in the afternoon before fellow pupils, and again in the evening before pupils’ parents, including mine. It was exciting and thrilling, actually. Our young hippy English teacher director Mr Ross, dressing down in tie-dyes etc. (in 1977!), swooshed around excitedly. It was something different from everyday school business.
It was bloody great being on stage and performing in front of an audience. I adored acting. I wanted to keep on doing it, to develop. It was something I found for myself, as opposed to something imposed on me by my parents. The Chinese Mask was surely only the beginning of many glories to come, despite my corpsing twice on a key line of dialogue despite six months of steadfast rehearsal.
There was no way that I could know, at the time, that this…this moment…would be it. A road down which I would happily have travelled. But then the road was closed off to me, and fenced off.
7 May
BILLY PAUL: Let ‘Em In/I Think I’ll Stay Home Today (Philadelphia International PIR 5143)
Staggering, explicit reworking, possibly recorded live, of the cosy Wings song to incorporate Martin Luther King’s speeches and an overall Civil Rights theme. This is how you cover a song – approach it from a very different angle.
DELEGATION: Where Is The Love (We Used To Know)/Back Door Love (State Records STAT 40)
Real Thing-style midtempo chugger from UK soul vocal group which sounds a lot more purposeful than the last Real Thing single.
PIERO UMILIANI: Mah-Na Mah-Na/You Tried To Warn Me (EMI International INT 530)
Benny Hill sketch jingle obviously reissued to cash in on the Muppets’ revival of the tune. Bizarre but makes much more sense as a hit single.
KENNY ROGERS: Lucille/Till I Get It Right (United Artists UP 36242)
Back on the charts for the first time since 1970, the gruff-voice country singer returns with a wistfully woozy barroom ballad.
14 May
HEATWAVE: Too Hot To Handle/Slip Your Disc To This (GTO GT 91)
Neither song is as immediate as “Boogie Nights” but are both still very agreeably funky.
BLUE: Gonna Capture Your Heart/The Shepherd (The Rocket Record Company ROKN 522)
Glasgow band so much liked by Elton John that he signed them to his label and co-produced this pleasant but hardly remarkable Gallagher and Lyle-style soft-rock-pop plodder.
MARVIN GAYE: Got To Give It Up (Pt. 1)/Got To Give It Up (Pt. 2) (Motown TMG 1069)
A tremendous comeback single and potentially Gaye’s biggest British single since 1969; this makes me think of Bowie taking the mass production disco grind of side one of Low and throwing some light upon it. The record is almost what Patrick Moore on The Sky At Night calls an event horizon in itself and is primarily functional in its intent; the groove – song or record - could theoretically continue forever. It exists purely on its rhythmic attraction until Gaye introduces interesting and occasionally heartbreaking minor key harmonic variations into what passes for the song’s middle eight. Behind and beside him we hear the voices of a party, hardly altered from “What’s Going On?” (which really should have been a major hit single but was probably kept out of the charts for political reasons), whooping and cheering the singer on in perfect good nature. Like “Marquee Moon,” this too is the future.
BAY CITY ROLLERS: It’s A Game/Dance, Dance, Dance (Arista ARISTA 108)
Clearly on the decline, and reduced to covering a String Driven Thing oldie from 1973 (played all the time on Luxembourg but never quite a hit). It’s a guess as to how many more hits the Rollers will have, but I can’t imagine there will be that much more.
21 May
BRYAN FERRY: Tokyo Joe/She’s Leaving Home (Polydor 2001 711)
Rather dull rock plodder with clichéd Japanese effects and a much more interesting B-side from All This And World War II, where the ageing lounge lizard tackles the Beatles’ ballad in a way at least one reviewer has already compared with Adam Faith.
JOY SARNEY: Naughty Naughty Naughty/FRIENDS OF JOY: Letters Of Love (Alaska ALA 2005)
Excruciating Punch and Judy novelty romp. Exactly the type of tripe daytime Radio 1 DJs imagine we want and succinctly summing up why punk rock had to happen. It’s the equivalent of Cyril Fletcher on That’s Life cackling over a tin of peas that costs thirty PEE. Stop buying this; you’ll only be ashamed of yourselves in ten years’ time.
YVONNE ELLIMAN: Hello Stranger/Good Sign (RSO 2090 236)
Efficient but unexciting cover of the Barbara Lewis oldie.
TRAMMPS: Disco Inferno/You Touch My Hot Line (Atlantic K 10914)
I asked for the 12-inch version of this at Woolworths because James Hamilton in Record Mirror raved over it, and he was right. Absent from the charts since “Hold Back The Night,” the group storm back with this defiant and possibly revolutionary stomper (since they appear to be singing gleefully about burning everything down) and it has to be heard, and preferably danced to, in its full ten-minute version with minimalist harmonies and rhythms that would not shame Steve Reich and the lead singer’s hilarious ad libs two-thirds of the way through. It's like the Four Tops have had their arses kicked into the late seventies and can’t believe what glories they’ve encountered. Phenomenal.
BOZ SCAGGS: Lido Shuffle/We’re All Alone (CBS 5136)
Nobody seems to have their finger on the pulse of current pop more firmly than Boz Scaggs. Yet another glorious song from the incandescent Silk Degrees with a titanic synthesiser instrumental break. If Van Morrison could let himself go and cheer up a bit, he’d be as good as this. The B-side is the writer’s own definitive reading of a great ballad; mildly surprised that it isn’t the A-side, but no doubt several cover versions will be on their way.
28 May
SHALAMAR: Uptown Festival (Part 1)/Uptown Festival (Part 2) (Soul Train FB 0885)
In the vein of the Ritchie Family, this is an energetic disco medley of old Motown favourites. Not sure we need Motown oldies when they’re currently releasing such great records as “Got To Give It Up,” “Don’t Leave Me This Way” and “Sir Duke,” but if you’re drunk in the disco at two in the morning I don’t suppose it will matter that much.
ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA: Telephone Line/Poorboy (The Greenwood)/King Of The Universe (Jet Records UP 36254)
Value for money three-tracker led by anguished Bee Gees-style outer space weepie that should give Jeff Lynne & Co. yet another top ten hit.
TINA CHARLES: Rendezvous/When You Got Love (CBS 5174)
Brisk, sunny deviation from the singer (and producer)'s usual formula but possibly already too dated-sounding to become a really big hit.
THE MUPPETS: Halfway Down The Stairs (Sung by Kermit’s Nephew Robin [Jerry Nelson])/Mah Na Mah Na (Pye 7N 45698)
Possibly the biggest pop stars in Britain at the moment – their only real competition is the Sex Pistols – Jim Henson’s creations offer us a halting reading of the A. A. Milne children’s bedtime lullaby and, inevitably, their version of the Piero Umiliani tune on the B-side. The album, due out in a few weeks, should be interesting.
RAMONES: Sheena Is A Punk Rocker/Commando/I Don’t Care (Sire RAM 001)
It had to happen; the original punks finally get a hit. Another 12-inch single previewing the band’s forthcoming third album – three albums in the space of just over a year reflects quite a remarkable commitment to work – and of course it shakes you awake, licks you in the face and swiftly escorts you away from any compromising mainstream mediocrity. Interesting how the Ramones rise at the same moment that the Rollers appear to be sinking. Will the girls be screaming at them this time next year?
LIVERPOOL FOOTBALL TEAM 76/77: We Can Do It (E.P.) (State Records STAT 50)
Track listing: We Can Do It/Liverpool Lou/We Shall Not Be Moved/You’ll Never Walk Alone
In 1974 so many people thought Liverpool couldn’t do it without Bill Shankly, but Bob Paisley proved them very wrong. They lost 2-1 to Manchester United in the F.A. Cup final but still managed to top the First Division and win the Football League Cup, and are in the European Cup final tomorrow, playing Borussia Mönchengladbach. If they win this might go to number one. Cheerful and spirited souvenir for the fans (Author’s 2025 Note: they did win the European Cup for the first time in their history, beating Borussia Mönchengladbach 3-1, and the E.P. never climbed higher than #15, but that isn't why they’re remembered and loved).
JULIE COVINGTON with CHARLOTTE CORNWELL, RULA LENSKA, SUE JONES-DAVIS (sic): O.K.?/CHARLOTTE CORNWELL: B-Side (Polydor 2001 714)
Uncompromising from the start: “You want to do me…but I don’t want to be done…O.K.?” From the second series of Rock Follies which has been shown in part but isn’t on at the moment because of ITV industrial action. Perhaps this is now sounding slightly old-fashioned in the age of punk etc. Women who mean it being exploited by cynical men. The story of pop, many might summarise that.
